Every time Hollywood celebrates itself with a big awards show (every five minutes, or so it seems), the celebrity media — the “Today” show, Us magazine — dutifully trots out the beauty pundits. Tooth-whitening salons and Botox spas are absolutely jampacked, they report, as stars race to get red carpet pretty. And there is always an outlandish new procedure. In a repackaging of the time-tested laser treatment, a Santa Monica spa is charging $575 to dewrinkle male genitalia. If you believe this month’s Details, the procedure is “picking up steam in Hollywood,” where it has become “an awards-season staple.” Eye roll. But I was curious. Not tighten-the-tackle curious, mind you — George Clooney can try that and let us know how it goes. But with the Emmy Awards scheduled for next Sunday and the Oscar season slog already setting in, I did wonder: Do any of these you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me treatments actually work? It may not be the newest body-enhancing therapy in town, but the signature offering at LA SlimWrap definitely qualifies as bizarre. They ask you to strip to your underwear. A technician wraps you, toes to neck to wrists, in 15 to 20 tight Ace bandages, which are squirted with a cloudy, warm mineral solution. And then you are instructed to bounce on a trampoline for 50 minutes. For real. Picture a dripping mummy hop, hop, hopping. The SlimWrap shot to fame in 2007, when Ellen DeGeneres, joking about looking good while hosting the Oscars, tried one on her daytime talk show. (She will return to host the Academy Awards in March.) “You look a little crazy, but it really does work,” Ms. DeGeneres told her viewers. I made an appointment.
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